PHARISEE PHARSE PHLASH
- FEEDING TIME AT THE FED -
The Federal Reserve is Hoofing It, Again… to Jump
Start the Economy
In a recent Reuters poll, economists gave Federal Reserve System Chairman Ben
Bernanke an “8” out of “10” for his handling of the economic crisis. With the
unemployment rate still climbing and the economy sputtering, one wonders what
these economists were smoking to give Mr. Bernanke such high marks. Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd, a
Democrat who chairs the Senate Banking Committee, said giving the Fed more authority "is like having
a parent giving his son a bigger, faster car, right after he crashed the family
station wagon".
One might expect that a poll among agronomists will
show similar adoration about Bernanke’s impending, bold move to fortify our
money. Dubbed by agronomists at the Fed
as the A.C.T.I.O.N. Plan (Anticipatory Cattle Transfusions In Our
Nation), the latest bailout plan will
invigorate the suffering, cattle industry.
The Fed has figured out how
to feed cattle with Federal Reserve Notes.
By adding vitamins, minerals, fiber and carbohydrates to Federal Reserve
Notes, cattlemen will be able to feed money to their cattle instead of
expensive commodities like corn.
The new money will have different flavors and
nutritional amounts based on the denomination of each note. The one dollar note will be “basic oats” flavor. The two dollar bill will taste like
bananas. Chimpanzees have found the two
dollar bills most appealing. The Fed
will add a new three dollar bill to honor diversity. It will taste like “tutee-fruity”. In anticipation of human consumption of
money, the five dollar notes will taste like Soylent Green1. In
addition to keeping you “fed”, the new Federal Reserve Notes can cost
effectively keep you warm, too!
Mr. Bernanke said that this latest stimulation measure
was received in the Federal Reserve’s
Suggestion Box. Mr. B told reporters at
a recent conference that the Fed
welcomes all jump starting ideas because they realize that there must be more
really good ones out there waiting to be tested on the public.
© 2009 by We Hold These Truths ● whtt.org
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Tom Compton
1 Soylent Green
is a ‘70s sci-fi movie where Charlton Heston discovers that “Soylent Green” is
made from people.
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